Testing our sanctification

How’re you livin? Take a brief moment and step back to see your life, is it in the state you want to stick with 3 years from now into the future? 9 years? 50 years?.

For me, it is not.

I’m in a situation which condition i don’t want to stick with. No, in fact right now i’m in rock bottom. I don’t generally tell my problems here but right now i don’t know what to do except this.

Grade 12 will soon end and the days of the future is coming, we are about to make one of the greatest decisions in our life, or the worst. We need to decide where to go. University is not only a place where we go to study, like what my father said: it is a place that will shape the rest of our lives.

Some of us have made them, some other have started to pursue, another one have succeded entering. Meanwhile me, i’m just right here.

You see, i’m a guy with big dreams, my father planted these seeds since i’m in an early age. He always go to the side of my bed before i sleep and tell me that one day i’ll be in a roadster, zooming across the streets in Israel where people would see and cheer. He told me i will be a great weapons engineer, just like tony stark. A big dream i know.

I was up for it, i make things, i learn skills and i feel like i’m really doing some progress, i souly believe in that dream. I’m a hard worker, when i want something i will get it. I’m also tough, certain times my family will encounter financial problems, relationship issues and that makes me strong in character.

“When the going gets tough, the tough gets going”

I’m so passionate about building things that i expand my domination to social medias, i post stuff here and there and that built me a reputation.

Fast forward to now, now i realize that getting into a university in Israel is so frikin hard so i turn my head to MIT, then i saw the same big heavy metal gate that i can’t seem to push. Then to singapore, in this one i see some hope. Remember that hope is not a guarantee of success.

I complained to my father, “why did you put in me big dreams i cannot achieve”, my father looked sad, there is nothing he could do. When he was in this situation years ago, he plead his dad to let him study in jakarta (he is from lampung) then his father disagreed because of financial problems, but he prayed and God made a miracle.

But in my case, it was my father who pushed me so hard and not myself. Now that i’m in a level that is out of his control, i am lost. He pushed me so hard, harder than i push myself that now i seem to have no “pusher” anymore. No motivation, no desire to win and i am frustrated by it. __

Testing our sanctification, i think this is the test and i think my sanctification score isn’t working out good.

I am falling down.

My stress led me to pursue short term satisfaction instead of long term sanctification.

I am adicted to screens now and i can spend 2 hours wasting my time on unecessary things and vanity.